


What if God was one of us?

by devo79



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 16:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo79/pseuds/devo79





	What if God was one of us?

The song made Him smile.

He couldn’t help it.

It was so sweetly ironic. And of all the songs that had been written about Him or to praise Him, He liked it quite a lot. The music video had been a let down. Kinda unimaginative and the close ups of Joan Osborne’s nostrils flaring and the nose ring had freaked Him out just a little.

It wasn’t like He hadn’t already known it would be written and that it would end up being a hit. He’d know even before Joan had been born and even further back than that. He’d been humming it when the humans had taken their first stumbling steps. And whistled it when Moses led his people to freedom. The whole parting of the sea business had been a last minute thing.

Gabriel always had the best ideas!

Well, almost always. Hitler surviving the First World War had been a mistake but free will could be a bitch.

And then the whole nuclear fission and fusion debacle…  
Well, that hadn’t been anyone’s fault. One thing just seemed to lead to another. And before the heavenly choirs had a chance to congratulate Him, on how smart the monkeys really were, the little bastards had been busy blowing shit up.

Even Lucifer had been baffled by that. And He vividly remembered the look on the poor bastard’s face when he’d seen the destruction. All he’d said was, “I really preferred the years when shooting a dead cow over the castle wall was the worst thing they could think of.”

And He’d agreed. How could He not? Lucifer might be a backstabbing son of a bitch but he always told it like it was. Except when he was busy trying to steal the power out from under his maker’s feet.

Taking another piece of cake was enough to remind Him of all the great and wonderful things the naked monkeys could create. The cocao bean was the work of… well, Him… but the humans had figured out how to make chocolate and then they’d figured out how to put it in cakes!

Then there’d been the whole Twilight thing. When He’d divined Stephenie with the inspiration to write a book, it had been because He wanted to see a sarcastic take on the old vampire lore. What He’d gotten was sparkly vampires.

And Michael had been banned from ever delivering divine inspiration again. And when you were immortal ever again was meant in the most literal sense.

And after all, if He couldn’t count on the archangels to keep the wheels turning while He took a vacation, then what good where they?

He licked the last trace of chocolate icing off His index finger. The door to the Magic Box opened and a vampire - without the sparkle, thank Him – walked in.

There was an unnecessary amount of swaggering and some dramatic billowing of black leather involved but then there always was.

“You finished stuffing your face yet?” the vampire asked and wrinkled his pale nose in disgust.

“Yep,” He answered.

“Well, get a move on then! The uglies won’t wait all night for us, Xander!”

“Yeah, yeah,” He mumbled and pulled His dark green jacket off the back of His chair before following the vampire out into the dark night.


End file.
